An Empty Heart and an Unbeating Heart
by misus-spike
Summary: Post Empty Places. Based on next episode trailers and my imagination. Will be Spuffy. Songs from Sarah McLauchlan.
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Post Empty Places. Based on next episode trailer and my imagination.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer television show or anything related to it. The songs in this piece are all by Sarah McLauchlan.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
Lost:  
  
Buffy walked away from her home on Rovello drive with tears streaking her face. The house that she had lived in for almost seven years straight. The house where she had lost her mother, and learned to be the mother of her younger sister, the ball of mystical energy that had expelled her from her home. Dawn and the rest of them had. The ones she fought so hard to protect, had turned against her.  
  
By the shadows of the night I go  
  
I moved away from the crowded room  
  
That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret  
  
They don't know how to feel, they don't know what is lost  
  
She didn't know where she was going. Her feet moved mindlessly beneath her, her mission had been taken. "The mission is what matters" She had nothing to live for. Slaying was supposed to be her whole life, but she had to admit though, it hadn't been. Unlike the slayers before her, she had friends and a family. Friends that were a family. Friends that had taken her mission. So now she had nothing left, no friends, and no purpose.  
  
Lost in the darkness of a land  
  
Where all the hope that's offered is  
  
Memories of being taken by the hand  
  
And we are led into the sun  
  
She didn't know what to go on for. She felt dead. She wished she was. She wished she could go back to her happy place in the sky and feel full again. But instead she felt empty, and utterly alone. A slayer is always alone. Her ancestor had been right.  
  
But I don't have a hold on what is real  
  
Though we can only try  
  
What is there to give or to believe  
  
I want it all to go away I want to be alone  
  
Sympathy's wasted on my hollow shell  
  
I feel there's nothing left to fight for  
  
No reason for a cause  
  
And I can't hear your voice and I can't feel you near  
  
She dropped to her knees in the middle of the street and dropped her face in her hands. She let her body succumb to the sobs which shook her to her core.  
  
I wanted a change knowing all I could do was try  
  
I was looking for someone...  
  
TBC. R&R plz. 


	2. Strange World

See chapter one for disclaimer.  
  
An Empty Hear and an Un-beating Heart  
  
Strange World:  
  
She didn't never heard the roar of the motorcycle until it came to a stop about twenty yards from where she knelt. It was HIS motorcycle. She saw HIM tell something to his companion and distinctly heard him yell the word "NOW!" before Andrew fled off past her.  
  
The man clad in a leather duster, worn black jeans, a black muscle shirt, and shiny black Doc Martins came striding towards her with sympathy in his face that one would not expect from a vampire. He reached out his hand and pulled her up, not saying a word. His cloudy blue eyes searched her emerald ones compassionately.  
  
" They expelled me. They want Faith. " she said, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.  
  
He just continued to look at her and somehow his gaze made everything seem a little less hurtful. No more words were needed between them, he understood. They began to walk further away from her old home, leaving his motorcycle parked on the side of the street.  
  
We walk without a sound Across a barren landscape Your eyes are twisted down To the dew entrailed ground We watch the stars As they slowly fade away And in the clearing sky I see The cold stone face of morning Setting in on me  
  
"The sun'll be up soon. We need to get somewhere, " she murmured.  
  
It's a strange world It's a very strange world That leaves me holding on To nothing when there's nothing Left to lose  
  
He nodded his head and bravely took her hand in his won. She kept following him, not pulling away.  
  
Your touch is cold and damp The devil's in your eyes I wonder why I always Let you lead me on this way  
  
He broke in the door of a hotel lodge, it was recently abandoned due to the impending apocalypse. He walked behind the desk and grabbed a key to a room. They walked to the room matching the key number and went in.  
  
"The windows are fake," Buffy commented with a raspy voice. "How come there aren't any windows from the inside?"  
  
" This is a demon motel luv."  
  
She didn't say anything about him not having told her before about a demon business in Sunnydale, it wasn't important anymore.  
  
'Cause you see only What you want to see Feel only as you want to And I am on the outside Of your strange world  
  
Their eyes met again and they couldn't turn away from each other.  
  
It's a strange world It's a very strange world That leaves me holding on To nothing when there's nothing Left to lose  
  
In another act of bravery Spike closed the gap between them and captured her lips with his own. The kiss was tender and passionate all in one. There hands clasped together above their heads and they stayed that way for several minutes.  
  
We're walking hand in hand We'll walk this way forever Our eyes have risen to the water's edge Watching with the tides The stars have fallen To another day And the sun warms our path to find That reason leaves us far behind In this strange world  
  
Buffy softly pushed him away and turned away from him searching for air and composure. Spike awaited her reaction.  
It's a strange world It's a very strange world That leaves me holding on To nothing when there's nothing Left to lose  
  
A/N: More to come, will have more to do with next episode trailer in the next chapter. BTW, the titles of the chapters are the names of the songs by Sarah Mclachlan that I quote. 


	3. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Disclaimer in first chapter.  
  
A/N: I decided to write and post the rest of the story, approx. 10 chapters, today, so that my ideas won't be altered by viewing the episode tomorrow. I would still love tog et reviews though, they make my work feel worthwhile.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-broken Heart  
  
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy:  
  
"Why did you do that Spike?"  
  
" Cuz I wanted to, and you needed to."  
  
"This is insane."  
  
All the fear has left me now I'm not frightened anymore It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath  
  
"Why do I act like your suddenly okay now that you have a soul. Does it erase the fact that you tried to rape me?" Spike looked away. She continued, "Didn't Hitler have a soul when he massacred millions? Doesn't Saddam have a soul? Hell, Hanibal probably even had a soul."  
  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love  
  
"An yet once again, I find my lips craving yours. I find myself wanting you, and seeking you out. The one 'man' who did the most awful thing to me in my three lives is the one I trust the most. Why the hell do I crave you so much?"  
  
Companion to our demons they will dance, and we will play With chairs, candles, and cloth making darkness in the day It will be easy to look in or out upstream or down without a thought  
  
She was crying again now. " You're my born enemy. It is my title to slay you. You are the slayer of slayers, it's your title to slay me. And somehow this screwed up world brings us together as partners, as lovers? I have so much trouble accepting that." Her voice had slowly crescendoed until now she was yelling.  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love  
  
" But you're the only one who has ever given me any comfort, any peace. With you I can embrace the darkness that was bestowed upon me and live without restraints."  
  
Peace in the struggle to find peace comfort on the way to comfort  
  
"So now I'm tired of hiding it. Damn it Spike I love you." She sat down on the leather couch in the room.  
  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love I won't fear love I won't fear love...  
  
He sat down nest to her.  
  
"I'm glad you finally acknowledged that. You know I love you to with the whole of my existence, I love you more than the world, more than anything I can comprehend. And I know you know that. So what now?"  
  
"Can you just hold me now?"  
  
He put his arm around her and she scooted into his loving embrace and felt more comfort than any slayer had ever been allowed. 


	4. Do What You Have To Do

Disclaimer in first chapter.  
  
A/N: I don't like the Kenlow relationship, however, I said that this story would be based on the trailer for the next episode, so. Kenlow it is. Just don't expect any fluffies from me on this.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
  
Do What You Have To Do:  
  
*Back at Rovello*  
  
Willow and Kenedy were in Willow's room, sitting on the bed that Willow and Tara had shared for almost a year. Kenedy was looking up at Willow, trying to pull of puppy eyes.  
  
" You know Will, you're the oldest girlfriend I've ever had. My fourth girlfriend actually, I know I'm your second. But I know you've still got some more experiences than me." she let the sentence hang.  
  
What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage created you a monster broken by the rules of love and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do ...  
  
Willow was feeling uncomfortable. She liked Kenedy a lot, but she wasn't even sure if she would be with her if it wasn't for the fact that she was almost certain she would die in an apocalypse soon. But she had to admit she was attracted to the confident girl, and she didn't quite think Kenedy was the type that took no for an answer.  
  
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go every moment marked with apparitions of your soul I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do but I have the sense to recognize  
  
She knew Kenedy liked her a lot more than she liked Kenedy, would she be a bad person to take advantage of that? Or would she be a worse person to break her heart right before she would surely die?  
  
That I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go  
  
But what could she do now when Kenedy was stroking her cheek so tenderly? Willow captured her girlfriends lips in a consuming kiss and turned off the lamp, determined not to let this girl die without getting what she wanted.  
  
A glowing ember burning hot burning slow deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you  
  
*~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Kenedy looked at her girlfriend lying next to her under the covers. She had been her first. She was filled with a happiness and contentment that she hadn't felt since she'd been called to Sunnydale.  
  
"I love you Willow"  
  
I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do and I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go  
  
"I know you do." Willow turned on her side to face away from the girl. Kenedy looked shocked that her declaration had not been returned and rolled the opposite direction from her lover to hide her tears.  
  
A/N: This was terribly difficult for me to write, so if it sucked, too bad. Plz R&R so I know what you think. Also if you think I should increase my rating. 


	5. As The End Draws Near

Disclaimer in first chapter.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
  
As the End Draws Near:  
  
"It's just me and you now," buffy whispered up to Spike. She still lay in his lap, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
Into the valleys, the shadow of death, greifs silently across the darkened sea.  
  
"What else is there?" Spike asked.  
  
" You're right. A slayer and vampire are meant to live solitary lives."  
  
This is it, we stand alone, we can see it all from here, the starless night across the mountainside. No one left to talk to, there's nothing left to say.  
  
He looked down at her questioningly and she replied, "I can be alone with you here." Niether of them said anything for a long time after that. Then Buffy started again, " We still have to fight. I don't think we're gunna win this one."  
  
You and me, we stand alone, we can see it all from here, stretched far and wide, the barren skies, fighting a silence, from deep inside  
  
" You may be right pet."  
  
"If I lose you in this battle.I'll kill myself."  
  
"Same goes for me if I lose you. You belong in Heaven anyways, and I in hell."  
  
"If you go to hell, I'm going with you."  
  
"Didn't know you were given a choice luv."  
  
She let the subject drop.  
  
Into the valleys...  
  
You and me...  
  
Into the valleys, the shadow of death, griefs silently it's in you and me, it's in you and me...  
  
"It's up to you and me to fight this you know?" She asked.  
  
" I know, we'll figure something out."  
  
R&R plz! 


	6. Possession

Disclaimer in Part one  
  
A/N: Sorry for the formatting of the last few chapters, it's not like that when I write it, so I don't know how to fix it, and I'm afraid to take down the chapters I already posted because I'm having trouble posting them in the first place, so I'll try to space it better from now on.  
  
Warning: This chapter is Wood/Faith  
  
An Empty Hear and an Un-broken Heart  
  
Possession:  
  
"Soooo." Rhona began as most of the group was getting ready for bed. "I guess you get Buffy's room, you taking her spot and all. unless you wanted one of us to sleep in a bed for the first time in months."  
  
"No I think your absolutely right Rhon, but it would be wrong for me to take up a big ol' bed like that all for myself. " All the slayeretts looked up hopefully at the prospect of sleeping on a genuine mattress. "I think I'll take ol'Woody on up with me."  
  
"What? He doesn't even sleep here," Amanda began, but Faith was already draggin the principal up the stairs. "Ewww, that is something no one should ever have to see their principal doing."  
  
*Buffy's Room, Now Faith's*  
  
Wood and Faith sat on the bed. "So, you fight demons? That's manly of you I guess." Faith started what was small talk to her.  
  
"Yeah well, my mom was a slayer," he started.  
  
"Wow your definitely the first guy to ever bring up his mom in pre-sex talk. I think even Xander beat you there," Faith replied.  
  
" So you've already decided where this is going then."  
  
"Well I like to be in control," Faith came back.  
  
"Yeah, that seems to be something you and Buffy have in common, but you're definitely better at it.'  
  
"Now there's where you don't know what you're talking about. See Bufy, she's always been a little priss doing the right thing, I on the other hand have screwed off, kinda like we're gunna. She's just won too many times is all, one too many blows to the head ."  
  
"Yeah well she never beat Spike, looks like no slayer had yet."  
  
"What's your hang up on Spike?"  
  
"He killed my mom"  
  
'That's rough. A vamp got mine too, the first one I ever staked. I guess that's why Buffy came out so much better than me, I didn't have anyone to be good for, no friends, no family, and after another one got my watcher, well he was gone too then."  
  
"Sounds like we have a lot in common."  
  
//Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide  
  
voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time  
  
the night is my companion, and solitude my guide  
  
would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?//  
  
Wood surprised her by making the first move. He pushed a lock of wavy hair out of her face and kissed her softly, more tenderly than anyone had ever in her past.  
  
//and I would be the one  
  
to hold you down  
  
kiss you so hard  
  
I'll take your breath away  
  
and after, I'd wipe away the tears  
  
just close your eyes dear//  
  
They pulled apart slowly.  
  
"So that's what a real kiss is," she said softly.  
  
"Let me treat you right slayer, show you how its done."  
  
//Through this world I've stumbled  
  
so many times betrayed  
  
trying to find an honest word to find  
  
the truth enslaved  
  
oh you speak to me in riddles  
  
and you speak to me in rhymes  
  
my body aches to breathe your breath  
  
your words keep me alive//  
  
This time it was Faith who kissed him, moving in slowly until their lips met. He moved in on her pressing her into the bed.  
//And I would be the one  
  
to hold you down  
  
kiss you so hard  
  
I'll take your breath away  
  
and after, I'd wipe away the tears  
  
just close your eyes dear//  
  
*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
When Faith woke up the next morning, it was her instinct to leave, or wake the man next to her and tell him to get the hell out. But then she realized that it didn't have to be that way this time. She smiled and made patterns on his chest with her fingers.  
  
Wood woke up to a very happy slayer.  
  
"hey sexy," she greeted him warmly "ready to run off and leave me alone, I think that's what guys do to slayers right?"  
  
"Not this guy," She smiled at the remark, she liked this guy, a lot. Maybe she was finally ready to have a relationship, she just hoped he'd stick around, and not die fighting evil, or worse, drool over Buffy.  
  
//Into this night I wander  
  
it's morning that I dread  
  
another day of knowing of  
  
the path I fear to tread  
  
oh into the sea of waking dreams  
  
I follow without pride  
  
nothing stands between us here  
  
and I won't be denied//  
  
"You ready to head down stairs?" the principal asked.  
  
"Just one thing first," Faith replied. She jumped on top of him and gave him a bug wet slobbery kiss. "I've never had a good morning kiss before."  
  
//and I would be the one  
  
to hold you down  
  
kiss you so hard  
  
I'll take your breath away  
  
and after, I'd wipe away the tears  
  
just close your eyes...//  
  
He just smiled with his eyes shut and sighed contentedly.  
  
A/N: Wow! I didn't think I would like this relationship, but it was so much fun to write!!! This story doesn't seem to be ending up as angsty as I started it, o well. Now I like this pairing yay! R&R plz. I decided to post the rest of the chapters tomorrow, I have school and it's late, gotta go to bed. 


	7. Sweet Surrender

Disclaimer in chapter one.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
  
Sweet Surrender:  
  
".then they showed me a vision. It had thousands of the ubervamps. An army of them, it took all my effort to defeat one alone, how can I conquer thousands?"  
  
"We'll figure it out luv, your good at that, s'one of the reasons I love you so much."  
  
"We just need an super-uber vamp on our side, is all, you know, beyond slayer powers, beyond vampire powers, and of course with a soul and the will to fight for the good side. Should be easy to find right, why don't we look in a Sears catalog and see if we can special order it." she ranted sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah, Sears, that's where Angelus and I picked up our souls you know, it was a two for the price of one sale."  
  
The two warriors smiled wryly a each other. They played with each other's hands for a while, lost in their own thoughts, enjoying their time together. They had spent the night curled up on the motel room bed together, enjoying the presence of their lover.  
  
Suddenly a new thought occurred to the slayer. "Spike, why didn't you turn either of the slayers you killed?"  
  
"Turn 'em? Who would be stupid enough to unleash a turned slayer, she'd be all but invincible." He paused and realized what he just said. "Don't you dare even explore that thought Slayer!" He got off the bed and started pacing around the room.  
  
"Invincable? More power than a slayer, more power than a vamp. It's perfect, this is my way to become part demon like I was supposed to."  
  
"What about a soul and the will to fight for the good side, you know vampires don't do that pet, or have you forgotten?"  
  
"You do."  
  
"I'm in love with the most righteous person in the world, how could I not."  
  
"Well I'm in love with the most soulful, even before Africa, vampire in the world, in history. I'm a slayer, I have to be twice as good as he rest of the world, totally selfless you know! I think enough of that will stay with me! Spike I love you and you love me! You are a vampire! I know you want to sink your teeth into my flesh, it's what your all about, The slayer of Slayers."  
  
"And what about your friends and family luv?" She stopped to ponder his question.  
  
//It doesn't mean much  
  
it doesn't mean anything at all  
  
the life I've left behind me  
  
is a cold room  
  
I've crossed the last line  
  
from where I can't return  
  
where every step I took in faith  
  
betrayed me  
  
and led me from my home//  
  
'What friends and family Spike, you're the only love left in my life, and I want to spend eternity with you. Spike please make me a vampire."  
  
She got off the bed and started walking towards him.  
  
//And sweeeeeet surrender  
  
is all that I have to give//  
  
"I want you to know luv," he started as she reached him and put her arms around him in a sweet embrace. "that I am only doing this because I think you have eight times the soul of any other being that has ever lived. You were a good girl to start with I'm sure. Then you got called as a slayer and had to risk your life every night to save the people of the world, a thankless job. That made you twice as soulful as before. And then you became the first slayer ever to have real friends, family, and a life. That made you twice as soulful as you were just as a slayer. And then you had to be a mom to a teenage girl when you were only twenty years old, that doubles it again. If you have one eight of the soul as a vampire that you do as a human, then the world should be saved, if not, then we'll walk hand in hand into the sunlight."  
  
When he finished his speech, Buffy had tears in her eyes. That was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to her. She kissed him softly and pulled her golden locks aside, offering him neck. He kissed it, then morphed into game face and sunk his fangs into the tender flesh.  
  
//You take me in no questions asked  
  
you strip away the ugliness  
  
that surrounds me  
  
are you an angel  
  
am I already that gone  
  
I only hope  
  
that I won't disappoint you  
  
when I'm down here  
  
on my knees  
  
And sweeeeeet surrender  
  
is all that I have to give//  
  
When he had almost drained her delicious blood, he pulled back, still in game face and slit his arm with one of his fangs.  
  
//Sweeeeeet surrender  
  
is all that I have to give//  
  
She accepted the blood hungrily, enjoying the taste of her lover's blood in her mouth. After she had drunken a good amount, she collapsed in his arms, dead.  
  
//And I don't understand  
  
by the touch of your hand  
  
I would be the one to fall //  
  
Spike lay her down on the fresh cotton sheets, pulling the comforter over her protectively. He wondered what she would be like as a vampire, his vampiress. He hoped she would still be as witty and friendly, and shy. Nobody but Spike thought of her as shy, but he knew better, underneath the tough slayer was a scared little Buffy. Not anymore he realized, now underneath the brave slayer would be a hungry demon.  
  
// I miss the little things  
  
I miss everything about you. //  
  
"Hungry" he thought, " I better go get her some blood." He left the room, she would be gone for about 24 hours he figured.  
  
// It doesn't mean much  
  
it doesn't mean anything at all  
  
the life I've left behind me  
  
is a cold room//  
  
He hoped he would come back to a woman who still loved him, to a woman that he could still love as deeply as he had loved his slayer, who had once again given up her life to save a world that outcast her.  
  
//And sweeeeeet surrender  
  
is all that I have to give  
  
sweeeeeet surrender  
  
is all that I have to give//  
  
A/N: Ok, the episode is about to start, I know what I'm doing for the next chapter and how it will go , yeah xanya, but I still dunno how I'm gunna end it. So I hope the new epi won't make me lose all passion for this fic. 2 more chapters. 


	8. I Will Not Forget You

Disclaimer in chapter one.  
  
A/N: This should really be two chapters, a bashing one and a Xanya one, but I'm lazy and making it one. Some of this is like what happened in touched, so warning for semi spoilers of that episode, though they arren't exactly the way it happened.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
  
I Will Not Forget You:  
  
Spike walked back to Buffy's two story house in quaint little suburbia on the Hellmouth. Well not quite quaint anymore, mostly vacant houses, abandoned pets running loose, a few stragglers running for the town limits. This was his kind of town now. Even with a soul, there was still a demon living in him and he liked the smell of fear.  
  
He opened up the kitchen door and walked in.  
  
"Willow why isn't your uninvited spell working?!" asked a wide eyed Dawn. She was sitting at the island with Giles, Willow, Kenedy, Rona, Xander and Anya.  
  
"Hell's taken over bit, no invitations necessary anymore. Scared?" he arched an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Well then, if you can't keep 'em out, I say kill 'em," Faith said pulling a stake out of her pocket and advancing.  
  
"I came for Buffy's things, and the blood in the fridge." Spike said to Giles, nonchalantly dodging the slayer that was attempting to dust him.  
  
"I thought you might, I had one of the girls pack her a bag, you can get the blood out of the fridge, take the bag, and get the hell away from here."  
  
Spike grabbed the stuff and started back for the door then turned around again. "Y'know, it's a shame to drink this packaged stuff when the sweetest blood you'll find is all fresh and full in this house," he gazed at Faith and then the two SITs that were in the room.  
  
"Hey Spike, you have a slayer wrapped around your finger somewhere around Sunnydale, why don't you go sample her blood and leave these girls alone." Xander regretted the words the minute they came out of his mouth, he would never want his friend to get hurt.  
  
"Wow, you know, when I heard that you'd kicked the owner of this house out, you know the one that's saved your asses hundreds of times, the one that died for you, the one that denied herself happiness because she was worried about what you would think; when I heard you kicked her out, I thought you were the most pitiful creatures on earth. But now I see that you were not then, you hadn't progressed that far. Now that you said THAT, now you're the most hateful creatures on earth."  
  
Xander wanted to retort with some insulting comeback, but all he could do was hang his head in shame.  
  
"Besides that," Spike drawled." I already have tasted her."  
  
Spike exited with Buffy's belongings and their blood in tow.  
  
"You don't think he.?" faith let the question hang. Everyone was in shock.  
  
"No, no, I'm sure it was just some quirky thing they did during sex," Anya answered. "Xander and I used to do things like that, there was this one time,"  
  
"Noooooo!" everyone shouted. They did not want to open another file of the Xander and Anya sexcapades.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Later that evening Anya and Xander sat in the kitchen for a rare moment alone.  
  
"You know it really sucks that I'm all human now with a big apocalypse coming, this means I'll probably die. When I was a vengeance demon, I never had to deal with this, if evil won it wouldn't bother me because I was evil too, and if good won then I would still have a job, and if the world ended, I could just pop into another dimension. " she sighed.  
  
"Yeah, sometimes I wish I could be evil too," Xander admitted. "I mean I know that it's better to be good, because, hello good, but it seems like the evil ones have it so much easier off. And girls always seem to go for the bad boy types."  
  
"I don't, I go more for the Xander Harris types."  
  
He smiled at her. "You know, when I lost my eye, all I could think about was 'wow, I'll never get to see Anya in her full beauty ever again. Do I really want to go on and never get to see her bright smile?"  
  
"You really thought that?"  
  
"Well you know, I was delirious from toms of pain killers the hospital amped me up with, but yeah, that thought came through pretty clear."  
  
"Xander, I thought you were going to die! I was so scared. I never got to thank you."  
  
// I remember the nights when i watched as you lay sleeping  
  
your body gripped by some far away dream,  
  
And i was so scared and so in love then,  
  
And so lost in all of you that i had seen.  
  
But no one ever talked in the darkness,  
  
No voice ever added fuel to the fire,  
  
No light ever shone in the doorway,  
  
Deep in the hollow of earthly desire,  
  
And if in some dream there was brightness,  
  
If in some memory some sort of sign,  
  
Then flesh be revived in the shadows,  
  
And blessed our bodies would lay so entwined.//  
  
"For what? Leaving you at the alter? Really no thanks necessary."  
  
//And i will, oh i will not forget you.  
  
nor will i ever let you go  
  
I will, oh i will, not forget you.//  
  
She stopped to reflect.  
  
// I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak.  
  
so silent you stole from my bed.  
  
To go back to the one who posesses your soul  
  
And i back to the life that i dread.  
  
so i ran like the wind to the water  
  
Please don't leave me again i cried,  
  
and i threw bitter tears at the ocean  
  
But all that came back was the tide.//  
  
"No, for showing me, showing me what it means to be human." She paused a moment. "I had so much trouble understanding your ways, and traditions, you can't learn humanity from books you know? But when you left me in the aisle, that was the most painful experience I had ever felt. I finally understood why all those woman had wanted vengeance. I understood what it was to be human, to feel pain but keepon moving on and striving to make yourself feel complete again."  
  
"So then you became a demon again?"  
  
"Well just because I understood doesn't mean I liked it! But I couldn't even escape loving you when I was a demon again, I still couldn't get you off my mind and out of my heart."  
  
"Anya, you're the craziest person I ever met, but I still love you. I will always love you. "  
  
'I love you too Xander. That's what my life is, loving you."  
  
// And i will, oh i will not forget you.  
  
nor will i ever let you go  
  
I will, oh i will, not forget you.// 


	9. Plenty

Ok, I didn't know how to finish this, I don't know if this is the best way, but it was really bugging me that I had started something and not finished it, I just can't do that. So here's the end.  
  
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart  
  
Plenty:  
  
Spike walked back to the motel room with Buffy's belongings in hand. He didn't know what to expect when he opened the door. He hoped she would be awake by now, slayer healing and all that.  
  
He walked in and found her just waking up. Her eyes traveled the room for a moment before setteling on him and a toothy smile spread on her face at the site of her sire. She was vamped out and surprisingly enough Spike thought she had never looked more stunning. They were one of the same kind now, no more barriers.  
  
"Hey luv," he greeted her.  
  
"Hey yourself," she replied in a low seductive voice.  
  
"How you feelin'?"  
  
"Hungry," she replied in the same tone. She got out of the covers and started crawling down the bed in his direction.  
  
"I brought you some blood," he said holding up the bag of blood he'd picked up at her house.  
  
"Not for that,' she shook her head. When he looked at her questioningly she reached him and dragged a finger slowly up his chest and finished with a tap on his nose. "Hungry for you."  
  
He filled in the gap between there bodies and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a passionate kiss. And then, they shagged.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*  
  
Buffy and Spike strode down the sidewalk towards the high school clad in their leather dusters. Two creatures of darkness moving to the warfront to fight for the white hats. Buffy had told him she figured out a plan to defeat The First. She had explained that she knew exactly what to do and that they needed to go right away. She figured he would catch on right away and could help her. So to the cursed high school they went.  
  
They made their way through the halls and down into the basement. They were not surprised to find Faith and several SITs there working on a mission of their own.  
  
Faith looked at the two blonds, surprised at their arrival. Her surprise yielded to shock when she realized that Spike was not the only one she was getting vamp vibes from.  
  
"Buffy figured out a winning plan," Spike stated tauntingly applying his most annoying smirk.  
  
"Yup, all solved now," Buffy agreed.  
  
Everyone looked at her skeptically awaiting an explanation.  
  
'Well, see all we have to do is beat the First to his goal. You know, like get the treasure first."  
  
The SITs still looked at her waiting for further explanation. Spike began furrowing his brow wonder exactly what she meant by treasure. Faith began to worry that she knew what Buffy meant.  
Buffy turned to Vi. "You can start Vi," she said in an almost jovial voice. Vi looked excited at the prospect of being able to really contribute, but she shrieked when Buffy grabbed her roughly by the arm, pulling her close and then sinking her fangs into the potential slayer's neck.  
Faith ran towads Buffy with a stake in her hand and determination in her eyes, but Spike gave her a shove that sent her sprawling against the basement wall. He grabbed the back of Buffy's head and pulled it out of the girl's neck. The girl fell to the ground injured but alive. Buffy looked questioningly at her sire who had tears in his eyes. He shook his head back at her. //I looked into your eyes  
  
they told me plenty  
  
I already knew  
  
you never felt a thing  
  
so soon forgotten all that you do  
  
in more than words  
  
I tried to tell you  
  
the more I tried I failed  
  
I would not let myself believe  
  
that you might stray  
  
and I would stand by you  
  
no matter what they'd say,  
  
I would have thought I'd be with you//  
  
"I lwill always love you. "Till the end of the bloody world. " //Until my dying day  
  
Until my dying day//  
"You gave me life, but all I gave you back was death," He finished. //I used to think my life  
  
was often empty  
  
a lonely space to fill  
  
you hurt me more than  
  
I ever would have imagined  
  
you made my world stand still  
  
and in that stillness  
  
there was a freedom  
  
I never felt before  
  
I would not let myself believe  
  
that you might stray  
  
and I would stand by you  
  
no matter what they'd say,  
  
I would have thought I'd be with you//  
  
He hugged her one last time, and she never saw the stake that he brought through both of their hearts to leave the world to fend for itself.  
  
//Until my dying day  
  
Until my dying day//  
  
Ok, I guess your not gonna like that. But that's what you got. Please review anyways. Thanks for reading. 


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